I finally took the plunge and am wig free – and boy does it feel wonderful and so incredibly freeing!! I decided to try out my new look at my support group a few weeks back. Everyone was extremely sweet and encouraging commenting on how I looked which just sealed the deal on my decision to 86 those suckers. It's been interesting seeing my natural hair color since its been “hiding” for the last 11 years and I am not liking what I see. My hair looks a bit gray since the shade of blonde is no longer a golden blonde but an ash blonde. Oh well, nothing that a box of color or a trip to the hair salon can’t change. I am enjoying the fact that my hair is the healthiest (and softest) it has been in a long time. I am sure some day I will start coloring my hair again.
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| First day of school |
It's been fun and entertaining hearing comments said by my girls and conversations I have had with others now that I am sporting my new ultra short hair do. I have talked to a couple people at the grocery store and gym who have commented on my hairdo saying its really cute. When I have responded with a thanks and that it wasn’t my choice that led the conversation to me telling them why and them sharing with me that they had a family member with cancer who fought it and are doing well. So it's been fun talking with these people and encouraging hearing their stories.
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| At Zoomars Petting Zoo |
My girls’ comments have been nothing short of hilarious. Samantha the other night was “petting” my hair and said “Mommy your hair feels like a puppy, a gray puppy”. Last week one morning on the way to school we were talking about money and how the way to make money is to have a job and so on. Karyssa then proceeds to ask me, “Mommy how do you get money since you are bald and no longer working?” She also said last week before I was to volunteer in her class at school, “Mommy I don’t want people to laugh at you”. I told her that no one was going to laugh at me and if they did that was their problem. I told her what was most important is that I am healthy now, Jesus is so good to have healed me and my hair is now growing back. And you know what, no one laughed at me. I may have had more stares than normal but I heard no snickering. Yesterday she actually referred to me as having short hair and not bald anymore.
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| About to go on challenge course at Mother Daughter retreat |
I have been seeing Dr. Camberos my plastic surgeon on a weekly basis since late August for him to fill my tissue expanders in preparation for reconstructive surgery. He says I am healing nicely and can’t believe how well (and quickly) I am healing. Also I have had no infections which can easily happen with tissue expanders. Praise Jesus! However, I am definitely over these expanders. After every fill appt. my chest aches and feels bruised. The feeling is similar to having your braces tightened and the stiff, achy feeling you have after. The expanders are not very comfortable (pushing down on and bruising my ribcage) and it’s uncomfortable to lay flat on my back. Most of the time I have to sleep downstairs on our recliner to be some what comfortable. Also I am becoming a bit top heavy and it’s getting more difficult to hide my temporary large twins since they are not very natural looking. Luckily I only have one more this week and then I should have my reconstructive surgery about six weeks later. Dr. Camberos told me the reason he is stretching my skin and expanding me as much as he is is to be sure he has enough skin to work with during reconstruction. He said that my skin could ripple or wrinkle and even constrict back if there is not enough to work with.
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| With Grandma at the Mother Daughter retreat |
I start hormone therapy this week which I am in no hurry to begin. I was to start it earlier this month but there was a hold up with my insurance authorizing the Zoladex shot which I have been told is very expensive. I am not looking forward to going into menopause again but hey its only for two years. Since my cancer was “feeding” off my hormones, starting this week I will be taking Tamoxifen daily which blocks my estrogen and progesterone and getting a monthly shot of Zoladex which stops my ovaries from producing estrogen.
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| Watching the Padres play |
It feels great to get back to life as normal. I have been busy volunteering at my girls’ school, shuttling the girls to their soccer practices and games, Awana club meetings, play dates, birthday parties, helping with homework, Dr. appts, running errands, working out, attempting to keep the house clean, attending my weekly bible study, spending time with family and friends, and so on – you know LIFE! As I have said before, I am busier now as a stay-at-home mom than I was working full time and I LOVE it – such a blessing and gift!! I praise Jesus that I am healthy and cancer free so I am able to be there for my incredible husband and precious girls and be the best wife and mother I can be and that they deserve.
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| Waiting to watch Switchfoot perform |
Jesus is SO faithful in healing me and I know without a shadow of a doubt that He will be by my side no matter what happens. I would be lying if I told you that I never worry about the cancer coming back or worse yet coming back with a vengeance. I am one blessed pink lady to have a Heavenly Father that I can go to during those times to cry out my fears and worries. He loves and cares for me so much to take those fears from me and replace them with ultimate peace and assurance. After spending time in God’s word and crying out to Him I find myself joyous knowing full well that I am not alone in my journey and not only I but my sweet husband and girls will be taken care of no matter what. I have found hope, peace and encouragement in these two verses and pray they will do the same for you: “When I am afraid I will trust in You. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.” Psalm 56: 3 & 4a. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.
Your prayers and support are such a blessing to me and mean so much – thank you!!!!!!
Sweet Blessings,
Kelly
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