I have experienced a plethora of feelings and emotions including anger, sadness, fear, doubt, peace, joy, hope, laughter. Angry asking why God? why me? why so young? Fear that the cancer could come back, that my children would take on the burden of their mommy having cancer (hasn’t happenedJ) or that I would have a terrible time going through chemo. Sadness that I would lose my hair, go through menopause, five years of hormonal therapy. Peace knowing God will take care of me and be by my side every step of the way. Joy seeing my incredible husband, family and friends step up to help me, support me and pray for me; being able to share my story and encourage others. Hope knowing whatever happens I am a child of God and I truly have nothing to fear. Laughter being able to find the humorous things about going through chemo and laughing about it. I am so thankful I have had my Jesus as well as my husband, mom, family and friends to share these roller coaster of feelings/emotions with. Having cancer definitely changes your perspective on many things. It gives me a deeper appreciation and love for my husband, my children, my family, my friends and by far my Jesus. It gives me greater empathy for those who are sick, in need or disabled. It gives me a desire to reach out to others who are on the same journey as I.
If this treatment goes anything like my previous treatment, it shouldn’t be too bad. My rough days were the Friday through Sunday following my treatment. They only bummer was that it was Father’s Day weekend and I missed out on some really awesome family time. I got through it though and enjoyed better days this past week. I do however look forward to feeling more like my old self soon - having more energy and not being so tired. I look forward to enjoying the summer with family and friends.
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| Happy Father's Day!! |
We met with Dr. Toosie my surgeon on Friday to discuss surgery which will most likely be on July 20th. We are just waiting to hear back to confirm that there is an opening at the hospital (Tri City) and that Dr. Batra (the plastic surgeon) or his colleague Dr. Camberos are available that day. After much prayer, thought and talking with other breast cancer friends I have decided to have a double mastectomy even though there was cancer only in my right breast. Since I am still relatively young (and hope to live many more years) and I have family history of breast cancer on both sides of my family I feel it is best to have a double. I feel at peace with this decision and feel confident it’s the right thing to do. Dr. Toosie will be sending both breasts to pathology during surgery to be sure there is not only no left over cancer in my right but also to be sure there is none hiding out microscopically in my left that chemo did not get rid of. She will also be doing a sentinel node biopsy on my left side (she did this on my right during my lumpectomy in Feb) which is where I am injected with blue dye to help her locate that first sentinel lymph node under my arm so she can check to be sure there is no trace of cancer there. When Dr. Toosie told me all this, it just validated my decision to have the double mastectomy. Thinking back over the series of events since I was diagnosed, I realized that if I had had my mastectomy before chemo as originally planned I would have just gone ahead and had the right side done. I remember being so upset and scared to start chemo early and have to wait to have surgery until afterwards. Now looking back I see God’s sovereign hand in all this. He never ceases to amaze me with complete control and perfect timing!
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| The girls and the beloved Mugsey(my parents' pug) |
I wanted to leave you all with an excerpt from my devotional Jesus Calling I read this morning which was so encouraging and just what I needed to hear. I hope it encourages you as much as it did me.
“Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded with uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.”
Thank you all again for everything! Your prayers and support have absolutely made my cancer journey more bearable and easier to get through. I thank God for blessing me as He has.
Love & Blessings,
Kelly
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”
Romans 12:12
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